January, Again.

I am honestly gobsmacked that another year has gone by. 2026. It doesn’t feel right or even sound right. I almost feel like 2016 was only two years ago, not ten, utter madness.

I’ve been thinking about the things I want to achieve this year, and I’m not doing the whole “new year, new me” thing at all. But I am open to making changes and trying to stick to them.

I’ve been trying to lose weight since May and I have been successful, but I didn’t reach the target I set myself for Christmas. That’s no one’s fault but my own. I get lazy, my willpower disappears, and snacks just call my name.

I’ve also been saying for the past four years since having Rupert that I would get fitter and healthier so I could keep up with his energy. I joined the gym and lasted a whole two months before giving it up again. Same reasons: lack of willpower and laziness.

So maybe if I write it down, if I let it be known, I’ll stick to it. I want to continue my weight-loss journey, feel comfortable and confident in my own skin, and get healthier and fitter by moving more. Whether that’s the gym or simply walking more, it all counts.

However, as much as those two things matter to me and would make me proud to achieve, my biggest aim this year is to improve my mindfulness.

I’m currently waiting on my ADHD medication. I chose to go privately, as the NHS waiting list can be up to six years and even then, medication isn’t guaranteed. I’ve been told I meet the criteria and my assessment has been moved forward, so now I’m waiting for my recorded diagnosis and medication. That could still take up to nine months, but hopefully it means that within this year I’ll have started medication, gained a better understanding of myself, and found ways to manage my mind a little better.

I truly believe this will be a godsend for both me and my family. My mind runs at a thousand miles an hour. I feel the need to do everything immediately, and when things aren’t done it turns into panic and meltdowns. I know this takes a toll on Jake and Rupert, and I don’t want that anymore.

More than anything, I want to learn to be more patient, more understanding, and more emotionally available to them both. I want to manage the noise in my head, clear the fog, build my focus, and just feel lighter.

In 2025, we were also told that Rupert meets the criteria for an autism assessment, which feels bittersweet. Of course, you hope your child will grow up without struggles but the reality is that no one does. Everyone faces challenges in life, regardless of why or how. Even if he does not get diagnosed, which in my heart I do not believe he will. I’m grateful that the nursery has backed us and noticed behaviours and challenges enough to push for an assessment. All I want is for Rupert to be understood and supported in the right way, however that looks.

Me and Jake butt heads quite a lot around how we manage Rupert and his ways. I know not every parent will have the same way of parenting and if you do, you are lucky.

I’m the soft touch. I’m definitely the one who gives in and says “just one more” after already saying “that’s your last time.” Jake is the opposite, what he says sticks, and that’s that. Sometimes the expectations Jake has of Rupert feel too high. To be fair, Rupert is extremely high-functioning and incredibly bright for his age. He can hold fluent conversations, name every shark species in the sea, spell his name, and has a memory that feels almost photographic.

But I’m learning that none of this means he fully understands everything. He often needs more time, clearer explanations, and more patience and that’s something I’m working on and will continue to work on this year. I hope Jake can begin to see this too and find ways to support Rupert, even if it looks different to how I do it. Part of me also hopes that Jake can find ways to support himself better, because I know there’s a struggle there as well. I would love to be able to help him and offer understanding or advice, but it often feels like whenever we talk about mine, Rupert’s, or his struggles, we end up butting heads again.

So perhaps that’s something we can all work on together, as a family.

At work, I know I haven’t fully been able to settle or stay organised in the way I have in previous jobs. I’ve had high-earning, high-pressure roles before and thrived in fast-paced environments with constant problem-solving and public interaction.

Now I work in an admin role in a school, and some days it feels like the hardest job in the world. I think once I start improving my mindset and wellbeing, this will improve too. I’ve been telling myself I hate my job, hate the people I work with, and don’t want to do this anymore but that isn’t really true. I do love my job. I like the people I work with. I love the children. And surprisingly, I enjoy working with the public again and connecting with different families.

So that’s it that’s what I want to focus on this year, the main things anyway: losing weight, getting fitter, improving mindfulness, learning how to support Rupert better, and being a better partner.

This is also the year we get our Black Lab, Duke (Rupert would kill me if he wasn’t black), so I really have no excuse to avoid exercise now. Duke will have me walking miles every day, which will also do wonders for my mental wellbeing, my relationship, and our time as a family.

I’ve also promised myself new household traditions: monthly window displays on the front door, Sunday gravy dinners and movie afternoons, shared bedtimes between me and Jake. Quality time is the key to healthy relationships with friends, children, partners, and family and that’s something I want to prioritise this year.

I have so many positives and so much to look forward to, and that’s what I’m choosing to focus on. I’m hoping to keep weekly journal entries throughout the year, and that they’ll help me on this journey toward better mindfulness and overall wellbeing.

(Although… we’ll see. I forget everything and lose interest even in the things I know I need and want to do.)

Written, now released.

LA